I’m Giving Up

I’m finally giving up. I have been through a lot of challenges, but this last one is really pushing my limits.

One of my dear loved ones is battling a health condition where they don’t know what’s real and what’s not. They have a tough choice: trust themselves and deny everyone else, or trust others and deny themselves.

Either way, it’s a very, very lonely place to be.

Can you even imagine it? It’s the ultimate test. What are you willing to give over or give up? Your own reality? Your compass for everything in your world?

My dear one is putting trust in me. Such courage! Innocence. “Tell me what’s real, and I’ll believe you. Tell me what to do and I’ll do it. Tell me what to think. What to believe.”

There is so much to say about this situation, but I’ll focus on just one thing for now: Is it really easier to let someone else drive? To jump into the current and not resist?

I think it’s the hardest thing we can do. To give up control and trust that we’ll be OK, no matter what the situation.

After my initial reaction of fear, I followed the example of this brave person, sat myself down, and gave myself a serious talking-to. What if I changed my expectations? If I released my ideas about what the results have to be? What if I expand my set of allowable outcomes or took the constraints off altogether? What if I shift my perception and believe in something I can’t see right now?

I have the utmost respect for this loved one of mine. I will embrace the unknowable. I, too, will give up control. And the only expectation I’ll have is one of unlimited possibilities.

Dove explosion resolved

(Photos: At first I saw only an explosion of doves, and I drew a number of incorrect conclusions. But later, I saw the reason for the doves. Tunnels Beach, Kauai.)

2017-01-01T21:51:47+00:00

2 Comments

  1. Sue July 23, 2016 at 9:13 am - Reply

    I have found that, more often than not, the harder I grip the wheel to steer my own way, the longer it takes me to get to where I need to go.

    Great insight Susan, and I’m sorry to hear that your loved one is struggling in such an intense way.

    • Midlifefreedom July 23, 2016 at 10:35 pm - Reply

      Thanks Sue, I like that analogy. I’ve been learning that loosening my grip includes considering a whole new paradigm for the wheel!

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